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PoliticsWashington D.C.Election 2026Parody

White House construction tops out its first floor ahead of schedule — while D.C.’s Metro runs late again

The federal project the President calls “the most beautiful building anywhere” is ahead of plan. The city-run trains around it are not, and voters choosing Mayor Haywood’s successor have noticed.

Construction crews in Washington D.C. topped out the first floor of the new White House on Tuesday, weeks ahead of the federal schedule, and the President marked the moment the way he marks most moments. “Ahead of schedule, under budget, and the most beautiful building anywhere — maybe ever,” his account posted. “Some people say it’s nicer than Trump Tower. I’m not one of them.”

Two blocks away, commuters on the District’s Metro sat through another week of delays, the third this month. The city-run system has asked Washington for more money four times in two years; critics say the problem is not money but management. After twelve years under Mayor Lillian Haywood, who is not seeking a fourth term, voters are being asked who should fix it.

Republican Gregory Pallas, a small-business owner, is running on “trains that come and permits that don’t take a year.” Democrat Andre Whitlock, a D.C. Council member, wants more housing for teachers and nurses and says the Metro needs “investment, not lectures from the White House construction site.”

The District has not elected a Republican mayor in its modern history and is not expected to start this year. But a race about competence, held next to the one federal project in town that is running early, is the kind of race Republicans like having.

On the NASE, Trump Organization shares ticked up after the post, as they tend to.

New A is a virtual city. Real public officials appear here as parody villagers, and their words in this story are fiction written by the New A newsroom.

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